My journey so far…

Like many, I spent the first part of my adult life adapting to student life. Taught years before that a degree and a profession were the route to a successful life. I’d arrived in the city to start my higher education, having accepted a place on a prestigious programme at the Cities’ School of Art. I was full of hope and promise for my future endeavours.  

After graduation I didn’t find the success I’d hoped for. I came to realise that a profession in the arts is not like a regular profession; you don’t necessarily need credentials and you’d be very lucky to find job security in creativity. I’d mortgaged my future so deeply on three years of study and had no shiny profession to show for it. Every time the sense of failure washed over me, a corporate job became a promise of a new secure future. But each time I threw myself into a new role, I moved further away from my creative self.

I felt restless in my pursuit to improve my circumstances. I’d gone from being energetic, enthusiastic and expressive; to overwhelmed, anxious and withdrawn from myself and those around me. I’d never experienced a low like it before, and gave myself a hard time for allowing my messy emotions to get the better of me. As time went by, these feelings began to manifest as anxiety attacks, emotional outbursts and exhaustion. The more I resisted my emotions the louder and more apparent they became.

“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.” - Elizabeth Gilbert

Then one day after relentless emotional upheaval, I lost my voice. For weeks I was unable to speak a word. Forced to sit in silence with myself, I realised this was not a punishment; it was a wakeup call. This realisation lead to an important pivot in my journey. For so long I’d been stuck in my head, neglecting my emotional wellbeing and thinking my life circumstances were the sum total of my reality - inhabiting the belief that I’d failed and wasn’t where I ought to be, but it simply wasn’t true! I chose to resist the temptation to get into my head and problem solve my life. After much rest I began to feel light and hopeful, more connected to ‘self’ and trusted I was where I needed to be. Miraculously my voice returned!

As the months passed, I began to cherish myself more and more, recruiting my inner cheerleader with plenty of self-kindness, tenderness, loving encouragement and playful curiosity. I started making time for self-care rituals: practicing a guided meditation, a warm candle lit salt bath, scrawling notes in my journal, spending time in nature, setting cycle intentions, creative expression and much more. I looked for small pockets of time to immerse myself in the creative world. I found that listening to a range of creative, inspirational and personal growth podcasts with openness on my commute to/from work was an effective way to do this. My curiosity awakened, and I began following each little whim no matter how mundane it seemed. I was introduced to an abundance of information related to personal development, philosophy, spirituality, creativity and alternative lifestyle.

“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.” - Albert Einstein

As I delved deeper into learning about these worlds, I was guided to uncover my own rhythms and cycles, the creative contours of my vulnerabilities and superpowers, the natural ebb and flow of work life, the necessity of self care and connection with the world around me - as well as the interplay of life’s ups and downs. In uncertain times it has been helpful to find anchors in self-knowledge, (connecting with my inner wisdom and physical feelings) and a supportive community. This is something I am still cultivating now. As I continue to embrace this new approach to life, I am empowered by a discerning knowing that the more I practice the closer aligned I am with my true nature. I know this because my life is infused with more joy, peace and purpose than ever before.